I'm not going to waste a bunch of time rambling on in an intro because I know what you all really want....ways you can piss me off by me readily providing you with this vital information. I will no doubt leave some out as well.
Aaaand we're off!! (No particular order)
1. Aren't you hot??
-No, if I was hot I wouldn't be wearing long sleeves.
2. Can I touch your hair?
-Can I tough YOUR hair? What is so mysterious about my hair?!
3. Are you Mexican?
-No. Next.
4. Are you hungry?
-Translation: "I want to get some food, will you come with" Just ask people..
5. Do you like basketball?
-Of course I do. But I also like hockey and you didn't ask me about that, dick.
6. Is your mom or dad black?
-Does is matter?
7. Is this all on the same bill?
-No, we're just a family having dinner with two different color parents. Of course it's on separate bills! -_-
8. You voted for Obama right?
-No, I didn't, stop asking.
9. You like country?!
-Yes, why is that so damn shocking to everyone.
10. Do you identify more with your white or black side?
-I identify with my human side.
11. (Insert same story I've heard a thousand times)
-If I can finish the story for you stop telling it to me.
12. Do you like black girls?
-I don't discriminate, and neither should you. Women of every color are beautiful!
13. You sound so white.
-Thank you? I think the word you were looking for was educated. You'll get em' next time!
14. Do you play bass?
-No, I'm not Token from South Park. I play the Ukulele.
15. How'd you get your internship?
-I applied, like everyone else.
16. Why aren't you as good as your sister? (She played basketball at Notre Dame)
-Because I'm not over 6'0" tall.
17. The book was so much better than the movie!
-It may have been, but I watch the movie so I don't have to read the book!
18. What's wrong?
-Just because I'm not smiling, doesn't mean something's wrong. I'm probably just thinking.
19. "Fuck (insert any state that person isn't from)!"
-I don't get state rivalries, they're stupid.
20. Are you mad?
-If you felt the need to ask, the answers probably yes.
21. Can you spot me?
-No one ever pays me back... I'm not made of money people.
22. "You're not like most black people"
-Well I'm not black so that would make sense, wouldn't it person 144 to tell me that. Plus, what does that even mean? Never mind, I don't want to know. It's probably super offensive and ignorant.
So there it is. If you want to make me mad for some reason (like my "friends" used to back in the day), these are some sure fire ways to do it.
You're welcome. I guess.
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